I took a Cadillac Escalade out for a test drive just to drive that sucker before they become extinct…

The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all its wonderful options.

The seats were of particular interest.  He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I stated the car must be a Republican car.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican car and I explained that if it were a Democrat car,  the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership.

I know they have to grow up. Honestly, it’s probably the only way our children will continue to put up with us! But, why does it have to be so hard?

My baby girl (my only child) started junior high on Monday. She was thrilled…me, not so much. In fact, it was a tragic milestone for me. I spent Sunday night crying my eyeballs out. Of course, my kiddo thought I was some strange alien mother. I know this is so cliche, but she’ll understand someday with she had a child of her own.

It seems like yesterday she was an infant in my arms. It seems like yesterday she was turning 5. I can remember sitting in the chair with her. Every evening she would curl up in my lap and we’d watch cartoons. I was tearful the night she turned five…she placed her hand on mine and whispered, “Don’t worry Mommy, I’ll always be your baby!” I still draw tears when I think about it.

This is my girl absolutely delighted on her first day of 6th grade…

Terrified to go to junior high...can you see the fear? NOT!

Ready, set, don't go!

I have the most wonderful husband. He was so sweet and understanding of my tears. Then he said something that REALLY hit me. While he understood my milestone…he was going through his own. His baby (my step-daughter) is passing her biggest milestone ever. His baby is about to make us GRANDPARENTS! Wow…my hubby is going to be a Papa. Crap, that means I’m a grandparent too! Feel free to call me “YaYa“, that’s my grandmother name. While some milestones feel so heart-wrenching…having a new baby in our family is absolutely exhilerating!

Ken and Krista

3 generations!

Five weeks to go before the new baby girl arrives…hurry up sweetness! I’m such a sucker for babies.

I stole this from my friend over at Willo’s Web…sorry Jaci, I had a case of sticky fingers!

The Basics

• Hair Color: with or without highlights?
• Eye Color: brown
• Height: 5? 5.5?
• Profession: Production Biatch (that’s what my old boss called me!)
• Relationship Status: married to Mr. Perfect…no I’m not kidding, it’s quite disgusting actually…he makes me look bad!
• Religious Views: Southern Baptist
• What’s Your Sign?: Virgo
• Any Siblings?: younger half-sister and older half-brother
• Shoe size: 8
• Where were you born?: Texas
• Innie or Outie: innie
• Righty or Lefty?: righty
• Any pets?: 1 puppy and 4 cats
• What month were you born in?: September

My Favorites

• Favorite Color: pink (but I never wear it)
• Favorite Car: I really like the Toyota Avalon I have now
• Favorite Movie: too many to list
• Favorite Hobby: hanging out with friends & family
• Favorite Song/Singer: “I Love You”, Sarah McLachlan
• Favorite Book/Author: The Twilight Series and The Shack
• Favorite School Subject: math
• Favorite Vacation Destination: Israel
• Favorite Food: judging by the size of my ass…all foods
• Favorite Restaurant: Niko Niko’s (Greek)
• Favorite Animal: King Charles Cavalier
• Favorite Store: Nordstrom
• Favorite Celebrity : too many to list
• Favorite Childhood Friend: too many to list
• Favorite Childhood Memory: sneaking out with Kristen Davis
• Favorite Baby Name: McKenna Ann and Kendall Amelia
• Favorite Person In Your Life: my baby girl and my hubby
• Favorite Facebook Application : Sorority Life
• Favorite Possession: wedding ring
• Mall Store: Dillard’s
• Favorite Holiday: Easter (all the best candy)
• Favorite Flower: I’m not sure I really have one…anything with bright colors
• Favorite Ice Cream: Sweet Cream w/ Butterfinger from Marble Slab
• Favorite Smell: babies
• Favorite Drink: Dr. Pepper
• Favorite Cartoon Character: Scooby Doo

This or That

• Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
• Coke or Pepsi : Coke
• Facebook or MySpace: Facebook
• Summer or Winter: both
• Cats or Dogs: Both
• Boxers or Briefs: briefs
• Rain or Shine : rainy days
• Chips or Popcorn: chips
• Salty or Sweet: both
• Plane or Boat: boat
• Morning or Night: night
• Movie or Play: play (takes more talent)
• Walk or Drive: walk
• Money or Love: why can’t I have both?
• Breakfast or Dinner: dinner
• Paint or Wallpaper: paint – wallpaper never comes off!
• House or Apartment: house
• Truth or Dare: truth, but a dare on occasion is FUN!
• Silver or Gold: white gold
• Diamond or pearl: diamond (duh!)
• Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset
• Phone or in person: in person…I really hate the phone
• Oldest, middle, youngest or only child: only
• Indoor or Outdoor: outdoors
• Man or woman: I’m a woman …. I love men.

Do You?

• Have Any Children: one daughter
• Smoke: never
• Drink: sometimes
• Exercise: I LOVE running…great way to meditate
• Spend Your Life On Facebook: most days – yep
• Love Your Job: actually, I do…even if the BIG boss is a sexually harassing slug
• Like To Cook: do I have to?
• Play An Instrument: nope
• Sing: really loud in the car
• Dance: I LOVE dancing
• Write: notalwayscharming.com – my personal blog
• Do you wish you lived somewhere else?: definitely…I have Yankee blood in me, I’d love to live up North.
• Do you like roller coasters?:indifferent
• Enjoy spending time with your Mother?: more so in the past…now we mix like oil and water
• Ever think about the price of gasoline?: no
• Sleep with a fan on?: always
• Have a good handle on spelling?: yes
• Ever type “kik” instead of “lol?: I don’t think so
• Know how to play chess?: nope
• Ever miss being a little kid?: sometimes
• Want to get married?: already am…I don’t want TWO! LOL

Have You Ever

• Stolen Anything: I’m sure I have
• Been Drunk Before Noon: yup
• Had Sex In A Public Place: I plead the 5th – my mother is reading this I am sure!
• Got Caught Telling A Lie: yes
• Got A Speeding Ticket: yes…about 2 months ago.
• Been Arrested: nope
• Littered: probably
• Fantasized About A Co-Worker: ummmm … yes. Don’t recommend it.
• Cheated On A Test: nope
• Cheated In A Relationship: yes
• Failed A Class: don’t think so
• Screened Your Phone Calls: always
• Eaten Food Off The Floor: God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt!
• Stuck Gum Under A Desk: nope
• Wished You Were Someone Else: I’m okay with me…most days!
• Cried During A Movie: yes, I’m a weenie
• Had A One Night Stand: nope
• Had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?: yes
• Had your heart broken?: yes
• Had a good feeling about something?: always
• Had a near death experience: no
• Swam in freezing water: no
• Jumped off a house: no
• Been attacked?: yes
• Bungee jumped: yes
• White water rafted: no
• Pulled an all nighter?: yes
• Surfed: no
• Lied about your age: before I turned 21…soon I’ll start lying about being under 40
• Broken a bone?: several

Misc.

• Describe Yourself In One Word: crazy
• Biggest Fear: something happening to my daughter
• Biggest Mistake: oh Lord, I’ve made so many!
• Your Proudest Accomplishment: giving birth to my kiddo
• #1 Priority In Your Life: daughter and hubby
• Dream Job: actress
• Causes You Believe In: too many to list here
• Where Are You Right Now: in my living room
• Where Would You Rather Be: someplace scenic
• Famous Person You Want To Meet: Jesus
• Place To Visit Before You Die: Italy
• Song Played At Your Funeral: “I Can Only Imagine”
• What are you listening to right now: puppy barking at one of the cats
• What makes you happy: watching McKenna dance, holding hands with my hubby, sitting on the beach with great friends
• What did you do yesterday: got injections in my back
• Won any awards?: yup
• Are you a good driver?: I think so
• Last time you showered?: daily – thank you
• What’s the last dream you remember?: I had a dream that Mac wouldn’t be still while I was trying to fix her hair, so I beat her with a hairbrush. Now I tease her that I’m going to get my brush!
• What side of the bed do you sleep on?: I sleep in the middle
• Do you dress up on Halloween?: no
• Are you outgoing or introverted?: outgoing
• Do you ever wish you were famous?: sometimes
• Have you ever done anything illegal?: not that I’m willing to put in writing!
• Where will you be 12 hours from now?: hopefully asleep
• Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?: not usually
• Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?: clothes?
• Is it easy for people to make you smile?: yes
• Does anyone hate you for no reason?: yes
• Can you make yourself cry?: never really tried
• How many hours of sleep did you get last night?: 7 hours
• Is your life simple or complicated?: both
• Are you taller than 5?4??: yes

Personal

• Have you laughed until you cried: yes
• Have you found out who your true friends were: yes, it can be quite an eye opener
• Met someone who changed you: yes
• Kissed anyone on your friends list: a few of them
• What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping
• Name something you CANNOT wait for: winning the lottery!
• Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes, my Dad
• What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: say I’m sorry a little more often
• Last time you saw your father : a few days ago
• Most visited webpage: banking – I don’t keep a check register, so I have to see if I still have money left!
• Do people think you’re weird?: my kid certainly does
• Are any of your friends mad at you?: probably
• What’s one new thing you’d like to try?: I’d love to run a marathon…maybe someday
• Would you get married before 19?: I did…and do NOT recommend it.
• Can you crack your neck?: yes
• Are you a bully? if the situation calls for it
• Do you type fast?: faily
• What is the longest relationship you were in?: been with Ken almost 9 years

Firsts

• First surgery : Tonsils and Adenoids removed when I was 16
• First piercing : ears
• First pet : first one I can remember is Oscar
• First vacation : 4th grade…a cruise with my mom
• First concert :  Heart – 2nd row
• First crush : 1st grade…Jerett Patterson
• Very FIRST memory? : not sure
• First person you had a fight with?: probably my parents
• First time you rode a bike?: kindergarten…Dina Sweatt taught me
• First car: 1966 red Mustang…I want another one
• First person you slow danced with: Lee, in his living room
• If your house was on fire, first thing you’d grab?: after the kid and pets…photo album and laptop
• First Movie You Saw: Saturday Night Fever
• First thing you’d do with 5 million dollars: give some to family
• First thing you notice when you look in the mirror?: eyebrow hairs that need plucked!
• First impression of your bf/gf?: cute butt

As of Now

• I am listening to: hubby tinkering with someone’s computer
• Maybe I should: get out of my jammies
• I love: seeing friends I’ve lost touch with
• I don’t understand: why stupid people still have jobs
• I have lost my respect for: the big boss at work…very shady and manipulating
• The meaning of my display name is: Not Always Charming…the disconnect between my brain and my mouth!
• I will always be: a rotten princess
• Love seems to: be tossed around so easily
• I never ever want to lose:  the love and respect of those around me
• I get annoyed when: women are back-stabbing wenches.
• Do you like parties?: sure
• Today I: rested after the injections I had yesterday
• I wish: I could lose 50 pounds
• Are you neat or sloppy?: work…obsessively neat – home…a bit messy
• What kind of clothes do you like?: sexy pair of black heels
• Are you mad at someone?: usually
• What do you do in your spare time: watch my kid dance, play on Facebook and make jewelry
• What kind of car do you have/want?: I have a Toyota Avalon…I like it
• Do you like to read? What?: Yes…anything
• Do you cook?: only if I have to
• Would you do drugs?: nope
• Have you ever written a song?: no
• Do you like poetry?: yes…hubby writes me an anniversary poem every year
• Have you written poetry?: no
• Have you dated someone older than you?: always
• How much older?: Ken is almost 10 years older…but I have dated older. LOL

An elderly man in Louisiana owned land with a pond out back. It was
properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t
been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared
the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came
closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked.  Holding the bucket up he
said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast!