This is a repost of an article I read today at MSN Health. I know it’s LONG, but PLEASE take the time to read it…it’s more important than you probably realize.

Just when Beth Hubbard should have been feeling great, her health fell apart.

A 34-year-old housewares designer in the St. Louis area, Hubbard had recently gotten married. She liked the creativity of her career. And she’d conquered her mild depression and fatigue with a combination of exercise, rest and medicine, including the antidepressant Wellbutrin XL. But in the fall of 2006, shortly after she refilled her prescription—her pharmacy giving her this time Budeprion XL, a generic version of the drug—her good health gave way.

Within a month, she had gained 15 pounds, couldn’t sleep well, developed gastrointestinal problems and felt such extreme fatigue and lack of motivation that she thought about quitting her job. She cried and called in sick for days at a time. “I chalked it up to exhaustion after the whirlwind of the wedding and honeymoon,” Hubbard says.

Yet she wasn’t getting better. Her doctor referred her to four specialists, but none, she complains, “were really listening to me—they were just anxious to give me another drug.” They diagnosed her alternately with severe allergies, a heart murmur, a slow thyroid, irritable bowel syndrome, gluten intolerance, mononucleosis and chronic pain. She cycled on and off different drugs: Ambien to help her sleep at night; Provigil to keep her awake during the day; Allegra, Zyrtec and Nasacort for allergies; Lexapro, Zoloft and Xanax for anxiety and depression; Zelnorm for bowel problems. And she continued on the Budeprion XL the entire time. “I was fighting for almost a year with the insurance company over all the tests and therapy I needed,” Hubbard adds.

After eight months of struggling with her mystery ailments, she was out to dinner with a friend and mentioned that she needed to refill her prescription. Her friend said she’d recently gone off Wellbutrin and had some leftover pills Hubbard could use.

Within a week, Hubbard’s troubling symptoms vanished. Her energy came roaring back. And that is when she finally connected the dots: Her problems had begun mere days after she first took the generic. Because generics had always worked well for other conditions, she says, “I never even gave it a second thought or mentioned the pharmacy’s switch to my doctor.” Until now.

She called her doctor to complain about the generic and request a new prescription for the brand name only. The nurse’s response floored her. “Yes,” the nurse said matter-of-factly. “We hear that all the time.”

Why your M.D. is worried

If you took a prescription pill recently, odds are it was generic: Nowadays, generics constitute almost 70 percent of all the prescriptions dispensed nationwide, racking up $58 billion in sales in 2007. Anxious to cut costs, health insurers are stampeding to switch patients to drugs that are cheaper to make, test and ultimately buy because their manufacturers can piggyback on the research and marketing already done by brand-name-drug companies. Pharmacists in most states are also free to give patients whichever version of a drug is cheapest for them to supply, without telling the prescribing doctor; in some states, pharmacies are required to make this switch. And few of us complain when it happens: Women who wouldn’t dream of substituting Diet Pepsi for Diet Coke, simply because of the taste, eagerly swap vital medications, because the change can cut co-pays in half.

Many lawmakers and health-policy experts say the trend has little downside. “Generic drugs have the same active ingredient that brand-name drugs do and are made in FDA-approved plants, just as brand-name drugs are,” says Aaron S. Kesselheim, M.D., an instructor in medicine at Harvard Medical School in Boston. In an analysis recently published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, Dr. Kesselheim reviewed data from 47 clinical studies and found no evidence that patients on brand-name cardiovascular drugs had clinical outcomes superior to those on generics. Given these results, and the lengths that some brand-name-drug companies have gone to protect their patents and profits, it’s easy to believe that any supposed problems with generics are “a story cooked up by Big Pharma”—the conclusion reached by consumer watchdog Peter Lurie, M.D., deputy director of the health-research group at Public Citizen in Washington, D.C.

But a yearlong investigation by SELF—including more than 50 interviews and records leaked from one of the world’s largest generic-drug companies, Ranbaxy Laboratories—raises questions about whether some new generics are as safe or effective as the brand names. Although Dr. Kesselheim’s review looked at all of the available data, many of those studies were completed before the recent flood of generics hit the market and many generic-drug factories moved overseas. In FDA applications for new generic drugs, nearly 90 percent of the factories providing active ingredients are located overseas, where the agency’s inspection rate dropped 57 percent between 2001 and 2008.

“The average citizen would want to know that someone is checking that manufacturers are making the drugs they got approval to make,” says William K. Hubbard of Chapel Hill, N.C., associate commissioner for policy and planning for the FDA from 1991 to 2005 (and no relation to Beth). “That’s not happening, and the risk to consumers is potentially huge. I take generic drugs when they’re prescribed for me, but my confidence in them is lower than it was a year ago—and going down.”

Generics, which came into widespread use after Congress streamlined testing requirements in 1984, are supposed to be tightly regulated. In the late 1980s, after companies were caught paying off inspectors in order to get generic drugs approved, the FDA overhauled its rules. The agency vowed to inspect each factory before giving the green light to any application. And it newly required any generic-drug maker seeking approval to make one test lot of the proposed drug and then to produce three larger lots to show its manufacturing capabilities. “I have told the industry they are in charge of the health of the American public,” says Gary Buehler, director of the FDA’s Office of Generic Drugs, adding, “We have come a long way in how we do inspections.”

But SELF found that the FDA’s reforms have largely fallen by the wayside. Few applications trigger inspections, according to sources knowledgeable about the process, and instead of the three required lots, companies are making one or none. Manufacturing problems have come to light, with six generic companies recalling 20 products in 2008. KV Pharmaceutical Company, a maker of heart and pain medicine, recalled everything it made. “The FDA is satisfied that generics are OK,” says Nada Stotland, M.D., a psychiatrist in Chicago and the president of the American Psychiatric Association. “My question is, Are we satisfied?”

Are generics really the same?

Between 2000 and 2008, the number of new generic drugs put forth for FDA approval went up 40 percent and approvals doubled, with roughly 600 cleared to be sold last year. “Generic companies are popular on Capitol Hill because the industry is powerful and voters are anxious for cheaper drugs. There was always pressure on us to reduce barriers to entry,” says Scott Gottlieb, M.D., deputy commissioner for medical and scientific affairs for the FDA from 2005 to 2007. (Dr. Gottlieb is now a resident fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank in Washington, D.C., and also advises brand-name-drug companies.)

Because brand-name medications have already been clinically tested, generic companies applying for FDA approval don’t have to repeat that process on their versions. Instead, they must test their medicine on a minimum of 20 people; subjects take a single dose, so the drug is not tested over time. If tests show the generic contains the same active ingredient that the original does and delivers about the same dose, then the FDA considers it “bio­equivalent” and clears it to be sold.

But as Beth Hubbard discovered, patients are finding stark differences among drugs the FDA has deemed equivalent. Pharmacologist Joe Graedon and his wife, Terry, cohosts of the public radio show The People’s Pharmacy, have fielded complaints about dozens of generics for depression, hypertension, high cholesterol and more. Consumers described drugs that had no effect, caused bizarre side effects or made conditions worse. Joe Graedon says he has been “astounded” by the outpouring. “I’m not in the back pocket of the pharmaceutical companies—I want generics to be good,” he says. “But the more we dug, the more we realized nobody is monitoring the equivalence of these drugs.”

After her ordeal, Hubbard hit the Internet. Amazed, she scrolled through hundreds of comments at PeoplesPharmacy.org, many from patients who had switched to the same drug she had—Budeprion XL 300 milligrams, which Impax Laboratories makes and Teva Pharmaceutical Industries distributes. One patient wrote, “I have no history of suicidality, but a day after switching to the generic, I went into a week of steadily rising panic…. I was psychotic, self-loathing way WAY beyond anything I have ever experienced. I made it through the worst of it, called a suicide hotline, took two Ativan and didn’t take any more of the Budeprion. The next day I felt much better, and today I’m back to my normal self.”

If the drugs were truly bioequivalent, what could account for such divergent reactions? Last fall, the Graedons collaborated with ConsumerLab.com, an independent testing laboratory in White Plains, N.Y., to find out. Testing revealed that the 300 mg Budeprion XL dose Hubbard had taken dumped four times as much active ingredient during the first two hours as the brand name did. Graedon compares the effect to guzzling alcohol. “If you sip a glass of wine over the course of two or three hours, you’re not going to feel drunk,” he explains. “But if you drink the whole thing in 15 minutes, you’re getting too much too fast.”

Release formulas, which control how quickly a drug dissolves in your bloodstream, are something drug companies carefully develop and patent. And these release-formula patents often remain in place after the patent on a drug’s active ingredient has expired. That means generic companies must sometimes engineer their own release mechanism, as happened in the case of Budeprion XL. After complaints started rolling in, the FDA concluded in a 2008 report that patients’ problems were more likely caused by normal relapses of depression than by differences in the drugs, and Teva stressed that it followed all the FDA’s rules. But that report—and the original approval of the 300 mg pill—was based solely on data Teva had submitted for the 150 mg pill; the agency’s judgment was that the doses were proportional and would behave similarly in the body. “Neither the FDA nor Teva did the required bioequivalence studies for this pill,” counters Tod Cooperman, M.D., president of ConsumerLab.com.

Buehler notes that the FDA won’t approve generics that its scientists deem to have “clinically significant” differences in release rates compared to the original. But the bioequivalence studies they base this judgment on aren’t public, so doctors and patients have no way of knowing when the FDA has found a difference and how dramatic it is. Nor can they easily find out about differences in fillers and additives, which might change the release rate or in rare cases trigger allergic reactions. “It’s scary to think the FDA would approve something it knows is different and still call it equivalent,” Dr. Cooperman says.

Some physicians are concerned not only with how fast generics deliver their dose but also about the strength of the dose itself. Because for some drugs, such as those that treat epilepsy and heart disease, even small differences in potency can mean the difference between an ineffective underdose and a toxic overdose.

Stephanie Bornice, a 22-year-old stay-at-home mother of two in Bristol, Penn., and an epilepsy sufferer since 2002, says she hadn’t had a seizure in six years, thanks to the medication Trileptal. But last year, after about a month on the generic, oxcarbazepine, Bornice began to have frightening and familiar symptoms, like tremors before an earthquake. “Someone would be talking, and I wouldn’t understand him, or my sight would blur,” she remembers. One afternoon, a seizure came on suddenly. She rushed to put her newborn son safely in his crib before, she says, “everything turned black.”

Bornice’s doctor at the time, Jacqueline French, M.D., professor of neurology at New York University Comprehensive Epilepsy Center in New York City, quickly confirmed Bornice’s suspicions that the generic was causing the problem and switched her back. Dr. French describes the case as a “clear-cut failure” of the generic—and not the only one she has seen. “The FDA is telling us that the drugs [dosages] are the same within a certain margin and that should be OK,” Dr. French says. “But there are patients holding off seizures by the skin of their teeth.”

Ensuring the correct dose becomes even trickier when pharmacists switch customers from one generic version of a drug to another, says John S. Antalis, M.D., a family physician in Dalton, Ga., who has served on the safe-medication-use committee of U.S. Pharmacopeia, a nonprofit organization in Rockville, Md., that sets official standards for all medications. Dr. Antalis cites the dozens of versions of warfarin, the generic for the blood thinner Coumadin. It’s a drug that requires patients to have regular blood tests; they risk blood clots if they have too small a dose and internal bleeding if they get too much. It became much harder to monitor the clotting in patients’ blood, Dr. Antalis says, because they were being shifted between so many versions of warfarin that it was hard to say which drug was having what effect. “I try to stay on top of any subtle hint of change, but it’s difficult,” he says.

Physicians’ groups, including the American Academy of Neurology in St. Paul, Minn.; the American Heart Association in Dallas; and the Endocrine Society in Chevy Chase, Md.—all of whose members prescribe drugs that require delicate dosing—have warned doctors to look out for reactions to generics. They’ve also called on the FDA to study the issue in more detail. (Many medical societies have ties to brand-name companies; for instance, Abbott Laboratories, maker of the popular brand-name thyroid drug Synthroid, has donated to the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists in Jacksonville, Fla.)

Some experts chalk up complaints to the fulfillment of expectations: We believe a generic will be worse, so it is. “People hear the word generic, and they think about generic cornflakes or plastic wrap,” Dr. Kesselheim says. Others dispute that notion. “Patients look forward to having a lower co-pay,” says Adam Keller Ashton, M.D., clinical professor of psychiatry at the State University of New York at Buffalo School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences. (Dr. Ashton says he has earned money from the makers of Wellbutrin in the past but not for the previous two years, and he has no ties to generics.) He estimates that at least 75 of his patients have complained about the 300 mg generic version of Wellbutrin XL. “If it was in their head, why wasn’t it in their head when other brands went generic?” he says, adding that many of his patients felt so bad that if he hadn’t intervened, “it might have progressed to the point to where lives were in jeopardy.”

Dangerous factories

Stephanie T., a 33-year-old in New York City, never gave much thought to where her prescription drugs were manufactured. She knew only that they were helping her get healthy after years of battling schizoaffective disorder. In January 2007, she was productive again, back in school and studying for a degree in medical coding and billing. She had been taking a version of fluoxetine (the generic of Prozac) by a Croatian company, Pliva; then her pharmacy switched her to a fluoxetine made by the Indian generic giant Ranbaxy. Over the next six months, she fell into a deep depression. “I was lying on the couch all day long,” recalls Stephanie, who asked SELF not to publish her last name. “I wasn’t eating; I couldn’t get my schoolwork done. I was crying all the time.” If it weren’t for her family, she says, “I don’t think I’d be around.”

Out of the blue, Stephanie’s pharmacy switched her back to the medicine made by Pliva. “Within days, I was a brand-new person. I remember lying in bed thinking, What did I do differently?” she says. “When people are mentally ill, changing their drugs is like playing with someone’s mind. I could have committed suicide and no one would have known why.”

What she could not know was that the government shared her dim view of Ranbaxy’s medicine. A criminal investigation of the company had been under way for a year and a half, prompted by employee allegations that its manufacturing efforts were beset with fraud.

In August 2005, a Ranbaxy insider had passed whistle-blowing information to public-health experts in the United States. The papers (obtained by SELF) alleged that Ranbaxy altered testing data, concealed its deviation from safe manufacturing practices and used active pharmaceutical ingredients from unapproved sources. Its customers were taking drugs that were potentially “subpotent, superpotent or adulterated,” according to a motion filed by the government in a U.S. District Court in Maryland last year.

The questionable drugs were being concocted in part for a program launched by George W. Bush called PEPFAR (President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief), which sends medicine by the ton to Africa. Officials worried that Ranbaxy had sold dubious AIDS drugs to the taxpayer-funded program. And in the months that followed, evidence would surface that suspect Ranbaxy treatments were reaching Americans, too.

According to hundreds of pages of documents SELF obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, FDA inspectors would eventually find that Ranbaxy delayed telling regulators for months about impurities in its version of the epilepsy drug gabapentin. The company also either failed to report or reported late about complaints from patients taking fluoxetine, generic Accutane and sleeping pills. In an earlier case, the company had not told the FDA about a report from a pregnant woman who took its sleeping pills and had a baby with a birth defect and developmental delays. Ranbaxy admitted the errors and told the FDA they would put procedures in place to prevent them from happening again.

The Ranbaxy scandal is the clearest evidence yet of the FDA’s struggle to keep an eye on drug companies that increasingly make their products in India and China. Brand-name drugs are made overseas, too, but globalization has been most dramatic in the generic industry. At recent inspection rates, it would take the FDA 13 years to see every foreign plant once, whereas the agency inspects domestic factories every 2.7 years, according to the U.S. Government Accountability Office. Inspectors generally spend less time on foreign inspections than they do domestically and often must get clearance from foreign governments, which means that companies know they are coming.

Inspections commonly find unsterile work areas or substandard manufacturing practices, former FDA officials say. Yet the agency often relies on paperwork from the plants themselves to determine whether problems have been solved, says Bryan A. Liang, M.D., executive director of the Institute of Health Law Studies at California Western School of Law in San Diego. In many cases, companies can give themselves a clean bill of health. “The FDA does an inspection and rarely goes back,” Dr. Liang says. “Anything can happen beyond that point. It’s a huge regulatory gap.”

Evidence of fraud

Many drugmakers do much more than make drugs: Through its subsidiaries or outsourcing, Ranbaxy handles every stage of the generic-drug-development process, from supplying raw ingredients to testing drugs on volunteers. When a company has so much control over the pipeline, the FDA stands as one of the few checks on drug safety.

Those checks appear to have failed. The whistle-blower documents provided to SELF suggest the company either was dangerously sloppy or outright fraudulent in an essential cornerstone of drug manufacturing known as stability testing. Like a quart of milk in the fridge, drugs can only go bad. The question is how quickly their ingredients degrade; once they break down, the product becomes impure and potentially useless or even hazardous. But Ranbaxy’s data showed the incredible: purity levels that never decreased, that improved or that were identical for separate batches, a statistical impossibility. SELF shared the 25 pages of documents with a scientist who has overseen quality assurance for a pharmaceutical manufacturing company; he concluded, “This is either fabricated data, or they don’t have people who can even do middle school chemistry.”

In one email exchange, a Ranbaxy manager in India notes that data indicating no increase in impurities from nine to 12 months “will certainly raise doubts, we need to revise this number.” And an internal quality review shows that in several instances, the company mixed antiretroviral-drug ingredients for too long a time—which could render them ineffective or toxic. “If you’re a regulator and you look at this, that’s when you say, ‘We’re padlocking your front door,’” says the scientist, adding, “If the FDA was in possession of this, it should be putting this medicine on the no-fly list.”

The agency had the documents—and was amassing more evidence that the company’s products might be dangerous. In February 2006, a year before Stephanie T. grappled with her relapse, the FDA sent inspectors to one of Ranbaxy’s plants in India and found serious manufacturing problems. In 2007, federal investigators raided Ranbaxy facilities in New Jersey, seizing documents and computers. An inspection of a second Indian factory in early 2008 found that medicine bound for the United States was improperly handled in a plant that makes penicillin, raising the specter of cross-contamination that could be lethal to people who are allergic. And in its court filing last July, the government alleged that Ranbaxy’s violations “continue to result in the introduction of adulterated and misbranded products into interstate commerce.”

Yet the agency’s only regulatory response to these revelations was to hold off approving applications for drugs manufactured in one of the Indian plants it had inspected. It did not pull the drugs from that factory off the market—or stop approving 39 applications for drugs manufactured at the company’s other plants. “The FDA conducted preapproval inspections for only 17 percent of the Ranbaxy applications approved since 2005,” reveals Rep. John Dingell, Democrat of Michigan and sponsor of a bill to strengthen the FDA’s oversight of food and drug safety. “It also allowed Ranbaxy to perform the key bioequivalence studies in facilities owned by the firm and conducted by clinicians employed by the firm.”

A Ranbaxy spokesman, Charles Caprariello, says the company is cooperating fully with the FDA and the Justice Department and working to resolve authorities’ concerns swiftly. He notes that its New Jersey facility is not affected and continues to supply products for U.S. customers, with four new generics approved in 2009. “Ranbaxy remains committed to providing high quality medicines at affordable prices to U.S. patients,” he adds.

Last September, three years after learning of the whistle-blower’s allegations, the FDA finally issued an “import alert” for Ranbaxy drugs, effectively putting a hold on the importation of more than 30 drugs from two of the company’s plants. A draft of the import alert had languished at the agency, a source told SELF, sitting on the desk of an FDA division director before being sent back to a subordinate, where it spent more time.

The agency has now also imposed the rare and serious sanction of scrutinizing all drug-safety data produced by one Indian plant because of its history of falsifications. “We’re being very vigorous,” says Janet Woodcock, M.D., director of the FDA Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, which oversees drug safety. Dr. Woodcock argues that the FDA’s recent actions against generic companies, including Ranbaxy, send a powerful signal that help promote “a culture of accountability around the globe.”

Who can protect us?

The goal of low-cost medicine cannot come at the expense of safety. And as Dr. Kesselheim notes, in this bleak economy, generics have become even more important, as the cost of drugs could lead patients to stop taking needed medicine altogether. So how can authorities ensure generic drugs are safe for patients?

For starters, says Dr. Gottlieb, the FDA’s Office of Generic Drugs, which controls approvals and inspections, needs more funding. “The FDA can’t even keep pace with the inbox, let alone invest in better science,” he says. The need will become more acute in coming months, as generic companies push Congress for permission to make delicate, injectable biologic medicines such as Epogen and Neupogen, which are often taken by cancer patients and are more complex to manufacture than traditional pills are.

Doctors are eager to subject highly sensitive drugs that require time-release formulas or precise dosing to more extensive clinical testing, and Graedon would like to see random, off-the-shelf testing of a generic’s ingredients and effectiveness after it hits the market. More dynamic oversight would also require equal inspections of brand-name and generic plants, regardless of where they are in the world.

This is beginning to happen. In recent months, the FDA has opened bureaus in China, India, Central America and Europe and plans to expand its presence to Mexico, South America and the Middle East. Rep. Dingell’s bill, the FDA Globalization Act of 2009, would provide funds for further reforms. Still, cautions Dr. Woodcock, “there is no magic point in this process by which you can test everything. Let’s say we test 10 tablets and they’re making 100,000? The manufacturer is in charge of the quality of the product, and our obligation is to make sure they meet their obligations.”

Dr. Stotland, of the American Psychiatric Association, says she remains troubled that most state laws allow pharmacists to change at will from brand names to generics (as well as among different generics). She argues that the law should require them to notify treating physicians of any change. As it stands, doctors who want to ensure their brand-name prescriptions are obeyed must write “Do not substitute” on their prescriptions—which does not guarantee that insurance companies will cover the extra cost. But Charles Mayr, a spokesman for the Generic Pharmaceutical Association in Arlington, Va., argues that if pharmacists had the added burden of informing doctors, they would be less likely to dispense generics. “It would help [brand-name] companies preserve monopolies,” he says, translating to higher prices for consumers.

In the meantime, patients can help themselves by knowing who made the medications they are taking and noting when their prescriptions change and if they suffer new side effects or a relapse as a result. That’s what Beth Hubbard has done. After her eight-month medical odyssey, Hubbard returned to the doctor who first prescribed Wellbutrin and who failed to talk with her about whether her symptoms might be related to a switch to a generic. She doesn’t blame him for what happened. Still, she says, “doctors see too many people and they see them too fast, and they don’t ask the difficult questions. You have to know your own body and be your own advocate.”

I know they have to grow up. Honestly, it’s probably the only way our children will continue to put up with us! But, why does it have to be so hard?

My baby girl (my only child) started junior high on Monday. She was thrilled…me, not so much. In fact, it was a tragic milestone for me. I spent Sunday night crying my eyeballs out. Of course, my kiddo thought I was some strange alien mother. I know this is so cliche, but she’ll understand someday with she had a child of her own.

It seems like yesterday she was an infant in my arms. It seems like yesterday she was turning 5. I can remember sitting in the chair with her. Every evening she would curl up in my lap and we’d watch cartoons. I was tearful the night she turned five…she placed her hand on mine and whispered, “Don’t worry Mommy, I’ll always be your baby!” I still draw tears when I think about it.

This is my girl absolutely delighted on her first day of 6th grade…

Terrified to go to junior high...can you see the fear? NOT!

Ready, set, don't go!

I have the most wonderful husband. He was so sweet and understanding of my tears. Then he said something that REALLY hit me. While he understood my milestone…he was going through his own. His baby (my step-daughter) is passing her biggest milestone ever. His baby is about to make us GRANDPARENTS! Wow…my hubby is going to be a Papa. Crap, that means I’m a grandparent too! Feel free to call me “YaYa“, that’s my grandmother name. While some milestones feel so heart-wrenching…having a new baby in our family is absolutely exhilerating!

Ken and Krista

3 generations!

Five weeks to go before the new baby girl arrives…hurry up sweetness! I’m such a sucker for babies.

My head hurts from laughing so hard this morning. What a way to start my day!

We begin by the kiddo and I talking Hubby into running to Buc-ees to grab us some sodas. This is a regular ritual for us. There is just something yummy about a fountain drink from Buc-ees. Ever been to a Buc-ees? It’s amazing…like the Disneyland of convenience stores!

I’ve been sitting here playing my usual game of Farkle and the phone rings. Caller Id: Buc-ees. Hmm…I bet he forgot what we wanted. So I answer, expecting to tell Ken he was suffering from ‘Old Timers’.

Hubby: Honey, can you get my spare key and come to Buc-ees?

Me: (laughing) Sure.

*laughing in background of phone call*

Me: (laughing harder) Puppy jumped up on the side of the door and locked you out, didn’t he?

Hubby: Uhhh…yes.

Me: (laughing hysterically at this point)

Hubby: Telling all of the Buc-ees employees, she’s laughing at me.

Me: Ok, on my way. I jumped up put on clothes and dashed out the door. When I pulled in the parking lot ALL of the Buc-ees employees were standing in the parking lot LAUGHING.THEIR.BUTTS.OFF!

Hubby: I’m not taking Puppy bye-bye with me anymore.

What a way to start the day…I think we’ll be laughing at this one for quite a while. Seriously though, how could you be mad at such a cute baby boy?!

Chase Puppy

“They like me. They really, really like me!”

In the blogging world, you don’t always know who your readers are. Sometimes the readers are kind enough to drop you some “comment luv”…other times, they are just a statistic. I use a networking system called Entrecard. It’s a great way to blog hop through the net and meet the funniest people. There are so many creative writers. It’s really nice to have someone pop by and acknowledge what you do. I post lots of jokes and other snarky crap. The world is so serious and we all need a full belly laugh once in a while.

Angela stopped by to shower me with the “Adorable Blog” award. She seems to like my snarkiness! Silly lady.

If you read blogs…be sure to leave a comment, even if it’s just to say hello!

I stole this from my friend over at Willo’s Web…sorry Jaci, I had a case of sticky fingers!

The Basics

• Hair Color: with or without highlights?
• Eye Color: brown
• Height: 5? 5.5?
• Profession: Production Biatch (that’s what my old boss called me!)
• Relationship Status: married to Mr. Perfect…no I’m not kidding, it’s quite disgusting actually…he makes me look bad!
• Religious Views: Southern Baptist
• What’s Your Sign?: Virgo
• Any Siblings?: younger half-sister and older half-brother
• Shoe size: 8
• Where were you born?: Texas
• Innie or Outie: innie
• Righty or Lefty?: righty
• Any pets?: 1 puppy and 4 cats
• What month were you born in?: September

My Favorites

• Favorite Color: pink (but I never wear it)
• Favorite Car: I really like the Toyota Avalon I have now
• Favorite Movie: too many to list
• Favorite Hobby: hanging out with friends & family
• Favorite Song/Singer: “I Love You”, Sarah McLachlan
• Favorite Book/Author: The Twilight Series and The Shack
• Favorite School Subject: math
• Favorite Vacation Destination: Israel
• Favorite Food: judging by the size of my ass…all foods
• Favorite Restaurant: Niko Niko’s (Greek)
• Favorite Animal: King Charles Cavalier
• Favorite Store: Nordstrom
• Favorite Celebrity : too many to list
• Favorite Childhood Friend: too many to list
• Favorite Childhood Memory: sneaking out with Kristen Davis
• Favorite Baby Name: McKenna Ann and Kendall Amelia
• Favorite Person In Your Life: my baby girl and my hubby
• Favorite Facebook Application : Sorority Life
• Favorite Possession: wedding ring
• Mall Store: Dillard’s
• Favorite Holiday: Easter (all the best candy)
• Favorite Flower: I’m not sure I really have one…anything with bright colors
• Favorite Ice Cream: Sweet Cream w/ Butterfinger from Marble Slab
• Favorite Smell: babies
• Favorite Drink: Dr. Pepper
• Favorite Cartoon Character: Scooby Doo

This or That

• Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
• Coke or Pepsi : Coke
• Facebook or MySpace: Facebook
• Summer or Winter: both
• Cats or Dogs: Both
• Boxers or Briefs: briefs
• Rain or Shine : rainy days
• Chips or Popcorn: chips
• Salty or Sweet: both
• Plane or Boat: boat
• Morning or Night: night
• Movie or Play: play (takes more talent)
• Walk or Drive: walk
• Money or Love: why can’t I have both?
• Breakfast or Dinner: dinner
• Paint or Wallpaper: paint – wallpaper never comes off!
• House or Apartment: house
• Truth or Dare: truth, but a dare on occasion is FUN!
• Silver or Gold: white gold
• Diamond or pearl: diamond (duh!)
• Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset
• Phone or in person: in person…I really hate the phone
• Oldest, middle, youngest or only child: only
• Indoor or Outdoor: outdoors
• Man or woman: I’m a woman …. I love men.

Do You?

• Have Any Children: one daughter
• Smoke: never
• Drink: sometimes
• Exercise: I LOVE running…great way to meditate
• Spend Your Life On Facebook: most days – yep
• Love Your Job: actually, I do…even if the BIG boss is a sexually harassing slug
• Like To Cook: do I have to?
• Play An Instrument: nope
• Sing: really loud in the car
• Dance: I LOVE dancing
• Write: notalwayscharming.com – my personal blog
• Do you wish you lived somewhere else?: definitely…I have Yankee blood in me, I’d love to live up North.
• Do you like roller coasters?:indifferent
• Enjoy spending time with your Mother?: more so in the past…now we mix like oil and water
• Ever think about the price of gasoline?: no
• Sleep with a fan on?: always
• Have a good handle on spelling?: yes
• Ever type “kik” instead of “lol?: I don’t think so
• Know how to play chess?: nope
• Ever miss being a little kid?: sometimes
• Want to get married?: already am…I don’t want TWO! LOL

Have You Ever

• Stolen Anything: I’m sure I have
• Been Drunk Before Noon: yup
• Had Sex In A Public Place: I plead the 5th – my mother is reading this I am sure!
• Got Caught Telling A Lie: yes
• Got A Speeding Ticket: yes…about 2 months ago.
• Been Arrested: nope
• Littered: probably
• Fantasized About A Co-Worker: ummmm … yes. Don’t recommend it.
• Cheated On A Test: nope
• Cheated In A Relationship: yes
• Failed A Class: don’t think so
• Screened Your Phone Calls: always
• Eaten Food Off The Floor: God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt!
• Stuck Gum Under A Desk: nope
• Wished You Were Someone Else: I’m okay with me…most days!
• Cried During A Movie: yes, I’m a weenie
• Had A One Night Stand: nope
• Had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?: yes
• Had your heart broken?: yes
• Had a good feeling about something?: always
• Had a near death experience: no
• Swam in freezing water: no
• Jumped off a house: no
• Been attacked?: yes
• Bungee jumped: yes
• White water rafted: no
• Pulled an all nighter?: yes
• Surfed: no
• Lied about your age: before I turned 21…soon I’ll start lying about being under 40
• Broken a bone?: several

Misc.

• Describe Yourself In One Word: crazy
• Biggest Fear: something happening to my daughter
• Biggest Mistake: oh Lord, I’ve made so many!
• Your Proudest Accomplishment: giving birth to my kiddo
• #1 Priority In Your Life: daughter and hubby
• Dream Job: actress
• Causes You Believe In: too many to list here
• Where Are You Right Now: in my living room
• Where Would You Rather Be: someplace scenic
• Famous Person You Want To Meet: Jesus
• Place To Visit Before You Die: Italy
• Song Played At Your Funeral: “I Can Only Imagine”
• What are you listening to right now: puppy barking at one of the cats
• What makes you happy: watching McKenna dance, holding hands with my hubby, sitting on the beach with great friends
• What did you do yesterday: got injections in my back
• Won any awards?: yup
• Are you a good driver?: I think so
• Last time you showered?: daily – thank you
• What’s the last dream you remember?: I had a dream that Mac wouldn’t be still while I was trying to fix her hair, so I beat her with a hairbrush. Now I tease her that I’m going to get my brush!
• What side of the bed do you sleep on?: I sleep in the middle
• Do you dress up on Halloween?: no
• Are you outgoing or introverted?: outgoing
• Do you ever wish you were famous?: sometimes
• Have you ever done anything illegal?: not that I’m willing to put in writing!
• Where will you be 12 hours from now?: hopefully asleep
• Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?: not usually
• Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?: clothes?
• Is it easy for people to make you smile?: yes
• Does anyone hate you for no reason?: yes
• Can you make yourself cry?: never really tried
• How many hours of sleep did you get last night?: 7 hours
• Is your life simple or complicated?: both
• Are you taller than 5?4??: yes

Personal

• Have you laughed until you cried: yes
• Have you found out who your true friends were: yes, it can be quite an eye opener
• Met someone who changed you: yes
• Kissed anyone on your friends list: a few of them
• What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping
• Name something you CANNOT wait for: winning the lottery!
• Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes, my Dad
• What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: say I’m sorry a little more often
• Last time you saw your father : a few days ago
• Most visited webpage: banking – I don’t keep a check register, so I have to see if I still have money left!
• Do people think you’re weird?: my kid certainly does
• Are any of your friends mad at you?: probably
• What’s one new thing you’d like to try?: I’d love to run a marathon…maybe someday
• Would you get married before 19?: I did…and do NOT recommend it.
• Can you crack your neck?: yes
• Are you a bully? if the situation calls for it
• Do you type fast?: faily
• What is the longest relationship you were in?: been with Ken almost 9 years

Firsts

• First surgery : Tonsils and Adenoids removed when I was 16
• First piercing : ears
• First pet : first one I can remember is Oscar
• First vacation : 4th grade…a cruise with my mom
• First concert :  Heart – 2nd row
• First crush : 1st grade…Jerett Patterson
• Very FIRST memory? : not sure
• First person you had a fight with?: probably my parents
• First time you rode a bike?: kindergarten…Dina Sweatt taught me
• First car: 1966 red Mustang…I want another one
• First person you slow danced with: Lee, in his living room
• If your house was on fire, first thing you’d grab?: after the kid and pets…photo album and laptop
• First Movie You Saw: Saturday Night Fever
• First thing you’d do with 5 million dollars: give some to family
• First thing you notice when you look in the mirror?: eyebrow hairs that need plucked!
• First impression of your bf/gf?: cute butt

As of Now

• I am listening to: hubby tinkering with someone’s computer
• Maybe I should: get out of my jammies
• I love: seeing friends I’ve lost touch with
• I don’t understand: why stupid people still have jobs
• I have lost my respect for: the big boss at work…very shady and manipulating
• The meaning of my display name is: Not Always Charming…the disconnect between my brain and my mouth!
• I will always be: a rotten princess
• Love seems to: be tossed around so easily
• I never ever want to lose:  the love and respect of those around me
• I get annoyed when: women are back-stabbing wenches.
• Do you like parties?: sure
• Today I: rested after the injections I had yesterday
• I wish: I could lose 50 pounds
• Are you neat or sloppy?: work…obsessively neat – home…a bit messy
• What kind of clothes do you like?: sexy pair of black heels
• Are you mad at someone?: usually
• What do you do in your spare time: watch my kid dance, play on Facebook and make jewelry
• What kind of car do you have/want?: I have a Toyota Avalon…I like it
• Do you like to read? What?: Yes…anything
• Do you cook?: only if I have to
• Would you do drugs?: nope
• Have you ever written a song?: no
• Do you like poetry?: yes…hubby writes me an anniversary poem every year
• Have you written poetry?: no
• Have you dated someone older than you?: always
• How much older?: Ken is almost 10 years older…but I have dated older. LOL

Dear Momma Bird,

You should be ashamed of yourself. Yesterday, you and your hubby were in my front yard screaming your beaks off.

To my surprise, I found your toddler in my flower bed. I tried to rescue him, but you started to lose your little bird brain. How hard is it to grab him by the scruff and haul his rebellious butt back to the nest? Hmmm…maybe because he is rebellious you actually PUSHED the little guy out of the nest. Now, I understand kids can be a pain, but pushing and shoving are entirely unnecessary!

Any birdbrain…Momma, you didn’t like me (okay it was actually Hubby) trying to save your little man, but when my puppy encased him perfectly in his MOUTH, you decided that maybe the humans weren’t so bad. My super sweet bird rescuing hero of a hubby scooped up Junior and placed him in the neighbors flower beds where he would be safe.

All day today I have been listening to SCREAMS. Surely it’s not mating season. I mean, my goodness, you already have one toddler you can’t take care of. Earlier I stepped out to check my mailbox. Naturally, I took Puppy with me. Oh dear…he sees your offspring AGAIN. Now look, I don’t have time to take care of your kid. Clearly, you need to discipline him. Send him to his nest and tell him to stay off my property.

Unfortunately, as I proceeded inside, I caught a glimpse of your brat. He is menacingly sitting on the ledge of the window to my study. He tries to look helpless, but I’m sure it’s a plot to peck me to death. This time, I grabbed my camera and took photos. I have evidence Momma. I will show the authorities! They will see what a lousy mother you are.

I’m really not that heartless (okay, I’m only sometimes heartless)…but Junior is causing great disruption to my peaceful home. I have FOUR felines who have been peering at your boy all day. To make matters worse, they are EYE to EYE with Junior and it’s driving my babies out of their catnipped brains. Should I even mention the fact that they are chattering their teeth? Good heavens, that’s like putting a chocolate cake in front of Fat Albert and telling him he can’t take a bite. You can be cruel to your kids…but I draw the line on you being cruel to mine (that’s for my enjoyment only)!

Momma Bird, please take your off-spring and return to where ever you came from. I cannot find a nest anywhere. Frankly, you are an adult…don’t you know the way home? Hmmm…maybe you aren’t Momma. Maybe you are Daddy and won’t ask for directions. This explains everything.

Be gone. My cats keep rattling the blinds against the window and it’s disrupting my nap!

Five years ago this month, I began my lasting journey of anger. Working in property management you have opportunities to meet a variety of people. Local celebrities, athletes and just all around interesting people. Of course, there is always one bad apple in the bunch…and I had the pleasure of meeting her.

Did you know that parking in a fire zone can get your vehicle towed? It can also be towed for parking in a handicap space too. Serious newsflash right? Apparently, there are people in this world who don’t know these rules. In fact, they break them not once, but multiple times. Some people never learn. In life, it’s okay to make a zillion mistakes…just don’t make the same ones (or make them all at one time)!

At one of the properties I was managing, we had a horrible parking problem. Bad enough that the City and the local fire department stepped in to say that they would be forced to issue citations if the problem was not corrected. This problem had been on-going before I was hired to manage. In an effort to please the City, the management company signed a contract with a towing company allowing them to remove vehicles violating parking regulations.

One afternoon a resident came into my office and was extremely angry. She began demanding that I write her a check (personal one) to reimburse her the costs associated with having her vehicle towed. (Previously, her car was towed for parking in a handicap space. Wouldn’t you know it…she had done it AGAIN and she was towed once AGAIN.) I stood there and listened to her scream and rant and make an utter fool of herself. When she was finished – or maybe she was out of breath – I began to explain this history of the parking situation. I wanted her to understand that this wasn’t just an arbitrary policy, but was necessary to comply with warnings from the City. In truth, it was also a serious safety hazzard. If there was an emergency at the back of the property, it would be physically impossible for fire trucks or ambulances to get through. Not good if you are the one who has your home on fire!

Ok, I really didn’t get to explain all of this to her because once she heard “blah, blah, blah…I cannot reimburse your expenses…blah, blah, blah” so blew a gasket. In a flash she threw her lead-filled backpack at me and then flew across the desk and proceeded to assault me. As we were falling to the ground I managed to shift my weight over and I landed on top of her. My kneecaps took a beating from landing on ceramic tile, fortunately, they were only badly bruised and not cracked. This woman had massive amounts of my hair clutched in her hands, so I was struggling to get away from her. I pulled and strained so hard, I managed to injure my back resulting in 3 bulging discs. Oh, I should probably throw in a little humor…after the UPS man and another male resident managed to free her hands from my hair and she had ran from the building, we found all ten of her fake fingernails scattered around the office!

Fast forward five years. I have flare ups every couple of months. I act like a crippled 80 year old and after a couple of days, I’m good as new. Over the years, my anger with this woman has subsided. Truthfully, I cannot even remember her name. Things happen in life and you have to rise above and move on. On May 9th, I started having a flare up. I was with my family at the beach and as I started to get out of a chair, I knew immediately that a flare up was happening. OK, no big deal. Go home…ice…heat…muscle relaxor…pain pills…go to sleep…wake up…shit, it still hurts. In fact, I’m getting worse. Lovely.

As the weeks go by, it seems I am very angry. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am so pissed. I am pissed that someone could think violence was the solution. I am pissed that I am the one who deals with the pain. My friends are sympathetic, but they don’t really understand the depth of the pain. It’s hard to understand how frightening it is to be home alone and find yourself unable to get off of the toilet because your back is frozen. (I know, sounds funny.) Sitting there for 30 minutes crying and trying to figure out what to do. Feeling completely helpless. It’s hard not to always be able to attend events with your kid. Sitting for longer than a few minutes is extremely painful. Fortunately, my family is very sweet and understanding. It’s not very fair to them, but then again, life isn’t always fair.

I’ve had upper respiratory illnesses about every 8 weeks since November. I got bronchitis again a couple of weeks ago. How does one get ill when they’ve been living in a bubble? So, when I went to the doctor to get treated, I asked him why it seemed that I was getting sick so often. Also, why does it take me twice as long to get better? So he thought some blood tests were in order.

1.  Diagnosis – CVID (Common Variable Immune Deficiency) There are three markers for this showing lower than normal immunoglobulin levels. Basically, my immune system is not able to get/keep me well. So a week ago they did a transfusion called IVIg which is suppose to boost my levels. Insurance will not allow a regimen of treatment because it’s about $7k each time! So, when I get sick, if standard anti-biotics don’t work…then I will get another IV.

2.  Diagnosis – Hypothroid. Thrilling. More pills. LOL

Here’s where it all comes together. Each time I get sick, I am prescribed a series of steroids. Steroids weaken the immune system. For someone with CVID, this starts the cycle of weakening my Ig levels. So, I am no longer a candidate for steroid treatments.

I saw the Pain Management doctor on Thursday. The injections we thought he would do for my back are no longer an option. The injections are a steroid. So his hands were pretty tied as to what to do with me. He is giving me double doses of Celebrex for the next 30 days. I also began physical therapy last Friday. He thinks that massage and electric stimulation (along with stretching) will get this flare up under control. Needless to say, Thursday was a very disappointing day. I really thought I would get these injections and be good as new.

Throw on an extra 25 pounds over the months and life is just peaches and cream.

I’m sure my employer loves me. I’ve missed so much work over the past year with all these illnesses. In this recession, when we’ve already had cutbacks, this is definitely not a good thing. If I could sit for longer than 20-30 minutes, my butt would be at work. Instead, I sit at home and watch Game Show Network. Don’t be hatin…you know you’re jealous!

Ok…enough whining. Time to go watch Millionaire!

PARENT- Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don’t believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

* Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment…
* Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
* Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

* The rest of your life.
* Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
* Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
* Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
* Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
* Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
* Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
* Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
* Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
* Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
* Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
* Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

* Get this!   You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
* A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
* When you die, you give them whatever is left.
* The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered.
This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

If you don’t know your rights, you don’t have any.